My Therapist Says It’s Your Fault


My therapist says it's your fault

Call me Tatiana, and I’m only 17. It was a fun evening with my friends at the club. Though I’m not allowed to go clubbing by my parents, I had to do it. They were away for the weekend, and I wanted to try how it’s like to be a woman. 

My older friends managed to sneak me into this famous club in town where all cool adults go. It felt like I was having the time of my life. I got to order shots from the bar, and the bartender didn’t notice my age. I wasn’t sure if that’s a compliment. Maybe I looked older? Or was it just the way I dressed, or my heavy makeup? 


I had too much to drink, and we didn’t notice it was already past 2:00 am. Sam, my friend, met a guy from the club, so she said they’d drop me off my place. I agreed, and we went on. The guy drove the car. We had so much fun singing along his playlist in the car that I didn’t notice I was almost at my place. I didn’t want them to drop me off in front of our apartment as someone from my building might see me and tell my parents, so I had them pull over the nearest turn. 


I was walking through a dark alley when I heard someone talk, “Hey.” I was terrified, and even though I wasn’t sure where the voice came from, I ran as fast as I could. It was dark, but I was almost out the alley and into our building when someone grabbed my leg. He was resilient and held me tightly. I was too drunk to fight back, and at that moment, I knew what was going to happen to me. For a moment, I was blank. 

 “Psychologically speaking, alcoholism has less to do with “how much” someone is drinking, and more to do with what happens when they drink.” –Cynthia Mascott, LMHC

“So this is how it feels to be helpless.” 


Then I heard a siren from a short distance. I didn’t care if my offender was going to hurt me. I had to scream for help, and I did from the top of my lungs. He covered my mouth and punched me in the stomach. 


“Mom… dad…” 


And everything faded. 


Hospital bed - My therapist says it's your fault


The next thing I knew, I was in a hospital bed. I gradually opened my eyes, and I saw my mom looking at me crying. When I finally gained my consciousness, she came to me and hugged me tightly. At first, I backed off. I couldn’t hug her. Somehow, I was still scared, but I knew it was my mom, and I hugged her back. Finally, I felt safe, and I started to cry. 


I then learned that the cops were just in time to help me. My parents said they were able to capture my offender. They heard me scream, and they were there perfectly on time. They said I was lucky. 


I had to undergo a series of therapy sessions because of the trauma it gave me. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t be the same person I used to be, but through the help of therapy, I was able to pull myself together and find the will to start all over. We talked about how brave I was, and all the things that were essential in avoiding such situations. We talked about everything – the night of the horrible choices I made. 

 “It is a healing process that allows people to not only start feeling better but gain insight, awareness, and ultimately begin trusting their intuition and experience.” –Dr. Mitch Keil, a clinical psychologist.

was almost raped in a dark alley. 


My therapist says it's your fault


She didn’t have to tell me it was my fault. I knew right then that it all started with my wrong decision of disobeying my parents, and it fired back disastrously.  I was never allowed to go out at night, let alone without their knowledge. I should have listened and should have known better. That night could have ended worse, but it didn’t.  


Life taught me hard, and from now on, I know how vital it is to follow my parents. I understand now why they have rules, why I have a curfew, and why I have to do this and not do that. It was all for me. 

 “Sexual abuse has been linked to anxiety, anger issues, disassociation, mood and behavioral disorders, posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), shame, guilt, self-destructive behaviors, trust issues, and even tendencies toward self-harm and/or suicidal thoughts.” –Jenna Jarrold, MS, LAC, NCC

Their rules were all for me. 

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