Lover Turned Abuser – What Should Women Do?



I don’t think women are ever asking for violence. “Generally, any behavior that uses one person’s power to exert control over another person’s physical and/or emotional safety is considered abusive. Physical abuse, sexual abuse and emotional abuse are all preconditions for people to develop low self-esteem, body image issues, relationship difficulties, anger issues, substance abuse issues, severe anxiety, depression, bipolar and other psychiatric disorders in adulthood,” according to Mihaela Bernard, MA, LCPC.

As much as possible, they want to be respected and valued, especially in the course of a relationship. When the abuse goes unnoticed and unchecked, it becomes normal. “No cause of domestic violence, however, justifies the actions of the abuser, nor should it be used as a rationale for their behavior. These possible causes are only to better understand why an abuser believes it is acceptable to abuse their partner physically, sexually, psychologically or emotionally,” according to Toby D. Goldsmith, MD.

Therefore, there is a need for intervention before it can become a life-changing trauma.


How Can Women Stop Violence?


  1. Learning to speak what’s on your mind is a good start to addressing an abuse. It will allow you to convey a message to your partner that his actions affect you. It will give your spouse or significant other an idea that he is not entitled to cause you so much pain. If you think your partner’s actions matter, so do your words. Be courageous enough to tell him that what he does to you can never contribute to your relationship or any of your development.




  1. Once is always enough. When you try to tell yourself that your partner’s action is based on his emotions, then you are only prolonging the agony. It’s part of human nature to evolve along with the situation. Therefore, you are just giving your significant other a reason to hurt you continuously. Learn to evaluate the situation and make a better judgment. Provide yourself with fundamental reasons as to why you don’t deserve the abuse.


  1. Don’t be afraid to tell the world about what you are going through in your relationship. Sometimes, most women tend to get locked in a situation where they can no longer escape due to fear and pain. That’s how they become vulnerable to consistent abuse. Try to open up about your situation and seek help. Don’t wait for someone to help you – start helping yourself.


  1. Don’t let your emotions guard your focus in achieving a useful life-changing decision. You might consider an apology, but it must be delivered sincerely and not for the sake of patching things up. There is a tendency that the same abuse can happen all over again, so you better secure proper precautions. Always remember that your spouse or significant other is capable of doing anything so make sure you can manage to handle your feelings.


  1. The act of telling yourself that you are a strong person can help you overcome the violence. Do not allow your partner to ruin your psychological state. Keep in mind that your only way to get out of the abusive relationship is by leaning towards your strength. Believe in your abilities and make use of it. Focus on the positive side of your personality and never allow the negativity to consume you.




Violence can happen to any woman at any time. You should be able to learn how to defend yourself and maintain a good mental and psychological state. Your relationship doesn’t have to cause you tremendous emotional pain because it’s supposed to contribute to your overall well-being. Be responsible enough to address your situation and evaluate small details of abuse so you can avoid it in getting worse. Learn to value yourself, so you can allow other people to give you what you deserve. “Depending on the nature of the abuse, its severity and length of exposure, substantial support and assistance may be required to heal the damage. But with focused inner work and appropriate guidance there is every chance of making a fresh start and become stronger, wiser and thrive in the future,” according to registered psychologist Christiana Star.